Pennies from Heaven

I know that a lot of people believe in pennies from Heaven. God talks to me with pennies. If you don't know what I'm talking about, pull a penny out of your wallet and look at it. It says "In God We Trust." I have gotten pennies my entire life. I didn't really notice them for the longest time or realize the signficance. They would just show up in the oddest places and I'd just kind of say "Huh. Weird." But a few years ago I started seeing the pattern and finally had an "aha" moment and realized God was talking to me in pennies. It's God's way of telling me "Hey - I got this. Trust in ME!!"

I am telling you that every time I start to kevetch about something, a penny shows up in the oddest place. I will be worrying about something while I'm in my bedroom. I'll walk out, come back in and there will be a penny on the floor or on the bed. It wasn't there before. Somehow it just appeared.

When my dad died in December, 2007, I felt a range of emotions obviously. One thing that continuously bothered me and was on my mind was whether or not Dad was happy and if he'd made it to Heaven. The logical side of me knew that he was happier than he'd ever been in the presence of the "Son". But my not very logical side couldn't quite grasp that. I've always been one that needed proof that something had happened (probably why God started dropping pennies!). Anyway, we went back to the funeral home for the 2nd time. As I stepped out of the car, there was that dang penny on the ground at my feet. So I let go of the worry.

A week or so ago, I got a call from someone I worked with telling me they had just had a very unpleasant conversation with one of our tenants. He told me the doctor was furious and called him every colorful name in the book. He said he'd never been talked to like that before. Then he said that we all needed to meet with this yahoo. So the day of the meeting we decided to go up and take a look at the space in question. As we entered the elevator to come back downstairs to our office, I noticed on the wall in the frame that held the elevator permit, there was a penny. I looked at Matt and Patrick and said "The meeting will be fine." I proceeded to tell them why and they just kind of went "Yeah - whatever." Well, the meeting went fine. No tension. No screaming. We just walked through the steps of getting the space finished, agreed on some deadlines, and said goodbye. It was that simple.......THE POWER OF THE PENNY!!

Yesterday I was kevetching about something else at my office. I looked down on the floor and there was that penny. So I'm not going to worry Lord!!

THE POWER OF THE PENNY!!

So start looking around for your pennies from Heaven. God will send them!

Until later....

Praising God Today!!

So the colonoscopy is over and God has answered my prayers! My colon is clean as a whistle (except from some pesky hemerrhoids!). Praise the Lord!!

The relief I feel today is amazing. For months I have woken up every day wondering if I had a tumor growing inside my colon or if I had a piece of my colon that wasn't quite working right. On the days when I would have bleeding I would just fret and worry. Then I would hear that small, still voice that said "Worry about nothing - pray about everything - it's my command daughter." So I prayed. And I didn't just pray about what was going on inside of me. I took time to pray about everything. I prayed for others a lot and saw some miraculous things happen. I prayed for situations and again saw miracles. God has grown my faith through all of this and it has been an amazing transformation.

So thank you Lord for letting me go through these many months of fear. It has made me trust you so much more than I had.

Praise God!

Until later....

An Inner Peace

So I've been listening to "The Shack," by William P. Young, on my IPod again. This is probably the 5th or 6th time I've listened to it. Every time I hear something new in it. It is such a well written, painful and healing story. It's kind of like "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger" and "Day with a Perfect Stranger." I can listen to those two stories over and over again because they deal with something that is very near and dear to my heart. That is the love of the Lord, Jesus Christ.

Friday is the BIG day - the day of my colonoscopy. I feel like I'm in prison tonight and having my last meal. My wonderful husband made homemade jambalya. It was heavenly. I've been on Weight Watchers going on two weeks and have really been diligent about counting everything I put into my mouth. This week I've wanted to chuck it all and say "Well heck, I'm not eating on Thursday or half a day Friday. So I can eat anything I want!" Then reality hits (and my want, need, desire, whatever) and I realize that I really do want to be healthy again, and the first step to good health is losing this excess weight. So I pray through. I went back for seconds tonight and then put the plate away. I wasn't hungry. I was just...well....ticked off that I can't eat tomorrow! LOL!! Then I think to those kids in Burundi where our church is doing mission work. How they may go for days without as much as a piece of bread. And I know then that my "sacrifice" of one and half days of food is just uncomfortable - not deadly.

So anyway, back to the colonoscopy. I am no longer afraid of the results......Let me say that again.....I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF THE RESULTS!! God has given me this amazing peace going into this process. I have felt better than I have in a long time the last few weeks (other then terrible allergies). But it's more than that. God has come to me and has put His arms around me, sat me on His broad lap, and just held me close to Him. I've felt it.....HIM.....every day. Something tells me that the results are going to be no big deal. But even if they aren't and we find an actual reason for the bleeding that I experienced earlier in the year (which I haven't had since mid-July), then God is preparing me to take whatever journey that He has in store for me. I know that He will be with me every step of the way.

If you haven't read "The Shack" I strongly encourage you to pick it up. There is a message that you need to hear somewhere in that book. This time I took away just that point.....That God is with me ALWAYS. No matter what I go through in life, big or small, He has NEVER left me and He will NEVER leave me. I have that assurance......and so I have this peace.

Results on Friday!!

Until then.....

Personal Inventory

A very wise friend of mine told me once upon a time that I kept myself busy from morning until night so that I wouldn't have any time to take a "personal inventory". I thought she was nuts at the time. I was busy because I was busy and nothing more! I mean, I can't say "no" when someone needs me, right? Just because I wake up early, start the day running at mock speed, and then fall into bed at the end of the day, that doesn't mean I'm hiding from myself or anyone else. Does it?

God is stirring in my heart again. So much has happened in my little world lately that I know God is trying to get me off of dead center. Here's the problem Lord......I don't know where I'm going and sometimes I'm just too afraid to ask or jump! So I should have faith right? Well I think I do have faith....but right now some of the fear is far outdoing the faith that I have.

I guess I'm at that point where I really need to just "Be still and know He is God." I need to stop, sit down, shut my mouth and just listen. Here's the thing....I really, REALLY crave an all encompassing relationship with God. I really, REALLY want Him to be in control of my life. I don't want to have to worry from day to day about what is going to happen. I want to know that God is taking care of everything. So if I'm willing.....then why won't I just jump and let God catch me. Why don't I trust Him? Why do I think I can do it better? It is obvious to me and everyone else that I cannot do it better than God. Every single time I step away from Him, my life falls apart. When I am going to Him constantly in prayer, things fall into place.

Here's what I had......a quiet, drama free life.....really no bumps in the road....I was just rocking along from day to day. Was I happy? I don't know. I was probably pretty bored. So little by little, God has started piling things on. I have drama in my life (from other people) that I didn't formerly have......I dealt with it and grew used to it. Now it's just an inconvenience and no longer a tragedy. I've had a handful of friends get sick.....some of them haven't made it. And of course, my dad died in December, 2007. These were all real tests of my faith. I cried....I prayed....and then I gave it up to God. I am grateful and happy that my friends, and my dad are up in Heaven with God. Actually I'm a little jealous! Now I have two very dear friends who are sick. I'm lifting them both up in prayer and know that God will be their ultimate healer.

So, back to the question (see how I tend to deflect?). If I can believe this for my friends and my dad, why can't I believe and trust for me?

What can I say? I'm a work in progress.....

Until later...

Happy Birthday Daddy!!

What a great day! 7-8-9 - Well that only happens - well NEVER!!

Today is also my daddy's birthday! He would have been 78 today (also kind of weird with the 7-8-9 thing - LOL)!

It's been a year and a half since he left us to go home and I miss him every day. I like to sit and think about what he would be doing today if he were still here. I would have called him this morning early, early and wished him a happy birthday. He'd blow it off like it was no big thing. I'd tease him about it being 7-8-9. He'd probably crack a joke or two. Then he'd launch off into a tirade about something or try to get me to talk about what's going on in my world. He never was one to focus on himself. He always wanted to get involved in whatever was going on in your life. And he LOVED loved loved to play the devil's advocate on everything. It's why I didn't tell him I was leaving my old company after 13 years until after I'd made the move and had to give him a new office number. He would have talked about stability, loyalty, and a lot of other things I didn't want or need to hear (and had already considered). People used to tell me I had my feet stuck so far in the ground that I was growing leaves (meaning I didn't like change). I definitely know where I get that trait! LOL! Funny thing is that here I am, almost 2 years later, and happier than if I'd had good sense in this new (well not so new anymore) job! So I knew I was making the right decision. And after all I'd consulted the ultimate Father in prayer for this and knew in my heart it was the right thing for me.

He really was such a great dad though. I have so many great memories of him from my childhood. I'm sure there were some bad times too, but I really don't remember them. He was larger than life. He was so outgoing. When he entered a room, he owned it. He had so many friends, but would tell you that he could count his true friends on one hand. I'm telling you though, when we went somewhere, he knew someone! It was amazing.

One really fond memory I have of my dad is all of the times he gave me directions. Inevitably, he would say "Well, you start out on Washington Avenue...." I guess that is from his early days as a route salesman for Falstaff Beer. His "route" was all the beer joints in Pasadena and downtown Houston (which was Westcott and Washington Avenue as well). And when I first started driving he would tell me that if I ever got lost in Houston, just get on a freeway and start looking for signs for San Antonio. We lived out off I-10 west, and if we saw signs for San Antonio, we knew we were on the right track for home!

It's been 19 months since Dad died. And to this day, there are times when I still want to pick up the phone and call him to ask him directions, how to cook something, an answer to a question, whatever. It just amazes me how "close" he seems. I guess that's because I know that this is only a temporary situation and that I will be reunited one day with him. That is such a great promise from God. I've never had someone close to me pass away. Daddy was the first. And having that faith and belief in what God promises is the only thing that kept me sane after Dad died. What a wonderful gift!!

So Happy Birthday Daddy!! I miss you! But I know you are up in Heaven whooping it up with Grandpa, Grandma (on both sides), Aunt Connie, Uncle Jim, Uncle Carl, Aunt Beth, Uncle Bill, and most recently, your beloved niece, Barbara. Play a hand for me! And I'll see you soon enough for the big party!!

Until next time.....

PS (I would be remiss if I didn't mention that yesterday - 7-7-09 - marked 5 years since the day I met my wonderful husband, TJ. It has been an amazing ride sweetheart and I am thankful every day that you are in my life. I love you more each and every day.)

The Crown is Gone!

Well I'm putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with no more Crown. And by Crown, I mean the liquid variety. I've been feeling pretty good since New Braunfels. That is when I had my last "flair". I attributed it to the overconsumption of many varieties of alcohol. I don't drink very often. That weekend, I seriously over-indulged. It took less than 12 hours for the flair to hit and the blood to come. This is what makes me think this is some kind of colitis (that and the "kinship" it has with uveitis - more about that later).

So anyway, yesterday was an extremely busy day. We got up fairly early and did a bunch of chores. Then we went over to a little committee party for Special Services. It was HOT!!! Then we went to the Diamonds & Dollars Luau last night. I drank Crown Royal for the first time since New Braunfels last night. I didn't have a lot of it. But I did have a few drinks. This morning - full on flair (I'll call it that so we don't have to talk about the details!!). For most of the morning I was pretty much doubled over in pain when I walked around. And the pain went throughout my entire colon. I know it sounds weird, but I could almost feel it tracing that particular path. By the end of today, my flair has settled down and I'm feeling somewhat back to normal.

I don't think Crown Royal is the evil villian here. I think it is hard liquor of any kind. You know it's really not a good idea to drink it anyway. But I do from time to time. I've had a few Coronas off and on since New Braunfels, and that doesn't seem to hurt me in the least. I also went out one night with my boss and a client and had several glasses of wine and that didn't seem to bother me. What could be so different in the liquor that would set this off? I don't know, and it will likely remain a mystery until I have the colonoscopy, which is scheduled for August 21st.

Oh, and I'm in a full flair with uveitis right now too. I have lots of floaters and I can barely tolerate the sunlight without getting a raging headache. And if you want to google uveitis, you will see that one of the diseases its usually related to is colitis.

Again, not self diagnosing (well maybe a little), but I am putting two and two together little by little.

I am not at all depressed about any of this. I know that it is an obstacle. And what does Kristy do with obstacles? She goes over, under, around or through! So this too shall pass. I just want to get the diagnosis behind me so I know what we need to do, how we need to do it, and how long it will be with me.

Please continue to pray for Laura Shook and Bruce Weber. They both have colon cancer. They both continue to show extraordinary faith on a daily basis and are inspirations to those that know and love them. Also, please pray for our church members as the set off for Burundi, Africa. I am so excited they get to go and I can't wait to hear the stories from their two weeks with the Batwa!! God is at work and it is simply amazing to see it unfold.

Until later....

Emotions....Exhaustion.....Chaos

It's been a long while since I've posted. I've been traveling pretty heavily since mid-April. Two weeks ago we went to Las Vegas for a conference. I did NOT want to go - was so not looking forward to it. I don't gamble - and who cares about the night life in Vegas! But I have got to tell you, I was very pleasantly surprised. It is a beautiful city and so alive. I want to go back now very soon!

Anyway, emotionally I'm just exhausted. I look back on my older blogs where I'm talking about the chaos feeling overtaking me again. Well I pretty much now know why it was coming on. Several of my friends are ill. Our pastor's wife, Laura Shook, has been diagnosed with colon cancer. A wonderful friend from church, Bruce Weber, has also been diagnosed with colon cancer. And one of my mentors from the rodeo, Larry Kerbow, has a benign tumor on his head below his ear that will need to be removed in a difficult surgery.

So I know that the chaos is God's way of telling me to come to Him and start praying. Right now seriously all I want to do is fall down on my face and cry and pray.....cry and pray.....cry and pray. I've tried to find quiet moments throughout the day to just sit and "be" with God. In the car, I turn the radio off and concentrate on Him. Walking to and from the car, I talk with him. Taking a shower, I talk with him. Constant prayer can't be bad, right? LOL!! I just feel so many things right now.....exhaustion.....frustration......fear.....

I also feel happiness.....hope.....faith.....

Needless to say, it's very conflicting. It brings me back to the time a few months back when God was calling me into the Catholic Co-Cathedral in downtown Houston. It was almost a physical pull I felt from Him every time I drove by the church on my way to our building down the street. When I finally entered the building and sank to my knees, I was overwhelmed by His presence.

A few weeks ago in church at Community of Faith we were in the middle of worship and tears just came. They fell down my face and I couldn't stop them. I wasn't sad. I was just there with God in "that place." For one reason or another, we've been unable to attend church in 3 weeks. And I have a physical void that needs to be filled. I NEED my family at COF now more than ever.

So I'm back to that fear thing.....I don't know what God is preparing me for. I've also had some health issues. I need further tests to find out what is going on. I have been bleeding off and on rectally since about February. It seems to "flare" when I drink heavily (which doesn't happen often) or eat really spicy foods. I hate to sound this way, but after the colon cancer diagnosis that Laura and Bruce got, dare I hope for colitis? It would make sense. The recurrent uveitis I have in my eyes is most commonly associated with auto-immune disorders - specifically rheumatoid arthritis or colitis. I need to schedule a colonoscopy. I put it off in May due to the cost. It is annoying that little by little, the insurance companies are whittling away our coverages. I was shocked when I learned the test would cost me almost $800. I can't imagine what the actual costs are if this is just my out of pocket expense. With our financial situation, I was just going to blow it off. But I realize now that I just need to know for sure what is going on in my body. I need to know the truth. And whatever that truth is I will walk the path with God. I am scared. I won't lie. But I will put my trust and faith in God.

Until later....