My beautiful, sweet girl, Darlin - 1987 - 2011

I met her in the year 2000. My dad called me one day and said there was an ad in the paper for a Tennessee Walking Horse mare for sale for $1,200. She was registered. She was being sold by a horse trader who I knew would send her to slaughter if he didn't sell her quickly. I decided to go with my dad to look at her - deciding before I went that I didn't want/need another horse - knowing in my heart that as long as Dad was with me, I'd likely end up with her anyway.

There she was in the back of her stall. She was very tall (about 16.1 hh). She was solid black with a white star on her forehead. She was very skinny (about 400 lbs. underweight) and her coat was very dull. It was obvious to me that she hadn't been taken care of. But, she was beautiful anyway. While I was walking into the barn, the horse trader handed me her papers - Mack Handshaker, Midnight Sun, Pride of Midnight, Merry Go Boy - all the sires that I wanted in a broodmare. Her name was "Lady's Darling" - I just called her "Darlin". He mentioned something about her being "a little lame". My friend, Carol, rode her so I could see how she moved. I could see a little give in her step, but I really didn't care. She was a prime-time racker. She was quick and she was flashy when she moved. I could work on the lameness. Hopefully it was nothing serious. As I was working out the details of buying her, a couple drove up in a truck. They were a well-dressed, black couple and they were dyeing to see this horse. The horse trader looked at me and told me that they had actually called before me and were on their way to see her when I drove up - would I give him a check for her right then? It seems that while they were on their way, their truck just stopped running at 290 and Tidwell (we actually passed them when we were leaving the stables to go see her). He checked under the hood, moved things around, then called AAA. Just about the time I was making the deal, the truck started back up again for no apparent reason. I figured right then and there that this little incident with their truck was God's way of saying "This one is for you."

I did some research on Darlin. She was a show horse when she was young. She won a few awards. She was probably never kept with other horses. After she was retired from her show career, she had 2 babies. She was then purchased by a woman who threw her in a pasture all by herself for several years. She was selling her because she never saw her. I guess that was good. But why wait that long? She hadn't even bothered to transfer her registration!

When we got back to the barn, we got her cleaned up but she was still dull. She was very wary of everyone - except for me. We kept her in a stall by herself at night so the other horses wouldn't pick on her. For a few weeks, we kept her in from the pasture in a huge run. That was great for her as it appeared that she wasn't fond of other horses. But she loved me! When I would feed the horses, she would stand quietly in her stall, not eating her food, just looking at me until I came over to pet her and tell her it was okay to eat. She did that every day for several months.

Not long after I got her, I took her to see the vet. She was so thin that her vulva was sucked upward where her poop would fall into it sometimes. She weighed 800 lbs. and should have weighed in at 1,200 lbs. She also had a slight case of navicular in her right front foot and a more severe case in her left front foot. The left foot was causing her some pain. I had just received a bonus at work that I hadn't made plans for so I decided to have her "nerved" so she would be comfortable and rideable. It worked and she was a fabulous ride. I loved riding her. She could move out and she was smooth as silk. Even at a walk, the other horses had trouble keeping up with her. Her legs were just so long and she moved out so quickly. She seemed happiest when we were out riding together. About 2 years after her first surgery, she developed what is called a neuroma. We had to have that removed as well (another bonus paid for that).

When we moved out to our current home, she became a "pasture horse" like all the others. We found out then that she really, really hated other horses. We had to make arrangements to keep her with only horses that would not push her around. It actually turned out to be perfect timing. Her lameness came on more often so she became a companion animal. And she was a good companion to another older horse, Missy, who was also very lame. Missy left us in October, 2010, and we knew that Darlin wasn't going to be far behind her.

At the beginning of 2011, we started to notice that Darlin was lame more often. She wasn't horribly uncomfortable, but she was definitely feeling the pain more often than not. We had put her on Previcox a couple of years before, and even that was not helping anymore. Eventually, the navicular disease took its toll and her tendon was nearly severed. She was very uncomfortable and held her left foot out most of the time so as not to put too much weight on it. We made the painful decision to put her down.

On Friday, July 1, 2011, we had an appointment to put her down at 3:00 p.m. For 2 days prior to that, I spent time with her, taking pictures and talking to her. I told her that I would miss her, but that she would not be in pain anymore. I told her that my dad would meet her when she crossed the rainbow bridge and that Missy would be there waiting for her too. When Friday morning dawned, I knew that our time had come. I decided to take her in the morning instead of waiting until 3:00 - just she and I, like it had been all along. I couldn't let her go through this alone. I needed her to know that I would always be there for her and that she could count on me even in the end. I wanted to be the last thing she saw before she slipped away. She went down peacefully, but she held on a long time, breathing in and out, more and more slowly until finally I stroked her face and told her it was okay to go. My tears and kisses littered her face as she crossed the rainbow bridge into my dad's waiting arms.

I was struggling terribly with the decision I had made to put her down. So I prayed as hard as I could for a sign. Saturday night, God sent me the most beautiful rainbow (her rainbow bridge). He let me know that she was fine and that I had made the right decision.

Thank you so much for picking me to be your person Darlin. Until we meet again sweet girl, you are forever in my heart.

Miracles Among Us

So I posted 3 weeks ago about some devastating events that were happening. Things didn't turn out the way we thought they would.

Hope Abigail Gordon (Baby Abby) was born on September 23rd, 2010. She was born with a condition called Trisomy 18 and wasn't expected to live but a couple of hours. But, once again, we all put God in a box and God stepped out of that box in a big way. Abby lived among us for 12 days and touched people around the world. A wonderful couple, Randy and Ellen Olive, photographed her journey each and every day and shared her life with us on their blog, www.oliveourmoments.com. Additionally, Melinda Gordon, Abby's Mommy, shared her thoughts on her own blog, www.hopeabigail.blogspot.com. You should go read about this amazing little girl. It is awesome to follow an actual miracle. Every single breath she took was a miracle. Every time she opened her eyes it was a miracle. She was so strong and absolutely one of the most beautiful babies I've ever seen in my life. While my heart breaks for the Gordons and all the many family members and friends that Abby touched, I am comforted by the fact that this little girl came to earth for 12 days, and completed her mission for God. It would be interesting to know how many people actually came to Jesus because of Abby. I bet there are many. The incredible faith that the Gordon's had before, during and after Abby's life is an amazing testament to God's enduring grace and love.

Anyway, there is the update. The sadness is gone and the celebration of Abby's life has begun.

Until next time.....

Incredible Insights

And here is the first one. It has been EXACTLY a year since I last blogged. My how time flies when you are having fun. I'm not going to blog about what has happened over the last year because frankly, I can't remember to save my soul!

Today I got an e-mail from a dear friend of mine. It talked about instances. How your life can change in an instant. It was one of those motivational, uplifting type e-mails that I usually just read and then discard. But something made me take pause with this one and I really started to think about it.

This week has been full of sadness for me.....sadness for other people. TJ has some friends that he knows from trailriding, Bill and Char Kincaid. They kind of have the same story we have. They met later in life, fell madly in love, and they were soulmates. Last Thursday Char came home and Bill was gone. His keys were in his truck. His wallet (cards and money), cell phone and knife were in the house. He was gone. The police came out and declared him a missing person and the search was on. Both the sheriff's department and the Texas Rangers were involved. And we all prayed for Bill's safe return. Tuesday night I couldn't sleep. When I can't sleep, I feel like that is God's way of telling me "Let's talk." So I did. I prayed a simple prayer "God, whatever Your will, let it be done. Let tomorrow be the day. Let this be over." Right after I prayed that prayer, I fell into a deep and restful sleep. As I was leaving for work on Wednesday, TJ called me and said they had found him. He had died of natural causes on an adjacent property. I was so sad for Char and for his kids. In an instant, their lives were forever changed.

There is a lady who went to our church, Melinda Gordon, who became pregnant. She found out during her pregnancy that her daughter would be delivered, but she had a disease that would not allow her to live. Once delivered, she could have hours or minutes with her. Even knowing that, Melinda and her husband decided that they would carry this precious baby to term and allow their beautiful daughter to enter this world and become a part of their family. All throughout her pregnancy, this baby made herself known - she kicked her mom like crazy almost to say "HEY I'M HERE!!" Well, today is this baby's birthday. Hope Abigail was born this morning at 8:09 a.m. a wooping 3 lbs. 4 ozs! She will only be with them for an instant, but she will be their daughter for an eternity. My GOD what an instant!!

The thing about these two families is that in the worst of times, they are looking up. They are looking to the One who created and allowed the instances. In their pain and sorrow, they realize that God is there with them and they are praising him for all of the instances they had with their loved ones. I am overwhelmed by their grace, because I know that it can only come from God.

Anyway, those are my incredible insights for today. I'll try not to be such a stranger.

Until the next time.....

Pennies from Heaven

I know that a lot of people believe in pennies from Heaven. God talks to me with pennies. If you don't know what I'm talking about, pull a penny out of your wallet and look at it. It says "In God We Trust." I have gotten pennies my entire life. I didn't really notice them for the longest time or realize the signficance. They would just show up in the oddest places and I'd just kind of say "Huh. Weird." But a few years ago I started seeing the pattern and finally had an "aha" moment and realized God was talking to me in pennies. It's God's way of telling me "Hey - I got this. Trust in ME!!"

I am telling you that every time I start to kevetch about something, a penny shows up in the oddest place. I will be worrying about something while I'm in my bedroom. I'll walk out, come back in and there will be a penny on the floor or on the bed. It wasn't there before. Somehow it just appeared.

When my dad died in December, 2007, I felt a range of emotions obviously. One thing that continuously bothered me and was on my mind was whether or not Dad was happy and if he'd made it to Heaven. The logical side of me knew that he was happier than he'd ever been in the presence of the "Son". But my not very logical side couldn't quite grasp that. I've always been one that needed proof that something had happened (probably why God started dropping pennies!). Anyway, we went back to the funeral home for the 2nd time. As I stepped out of the car, there was that dang penny on the ground at my feet. So I let go of the worry.

A week or so ago, I got a call from someone I worked with telling me they had just had a very unpleasant conversation with one of our tenants. He told me the doctor was furious and called him every colorful name in the book. He said he'd never been talked to like that before. Then he said that we all needed to meet with this yahoo. So the day of the meeting we decided to go up and take a look at the space in question. As we entered the elevator to come back downstairs to our office, I noticed on the wall in the frame that held the elevator permit, there was a penny. I looked at Matt and Patrick and said "The meeting will be fine." I proceeded to tell them why and they just kind of went "Yeah - whatever." Well, the meeting went fine. No tension. No screaming. We just walked through the steps of getting the space finished, agreed on some deadlines, and said goodbye. It was that simple.......THE POWER OF THE PENNY!!

Yesterday I was kevetching about something else at my office. I looked down on the floor and there was that penny. So I'm not going to worry Lord!!

THE POWER OF THE PENNY!!

So start looking around for your pennies from Heaven. God will send them!

Until later....

Praising God Today!!

So the colonoscopy is over and God has answered my prayers! My colon is clean as a whistle (except from some pesky hemerrhoids!). Praise the Lord!!

The relief I feel today is amazing. For months I have woken up every day wondering if I had a tumor growing inside my colon or if I had a piece of my colon that wasn't quite working right. On the days when I would have bleeding I would just fret and worry. Then I would hear that small, still voice that said "Worry about nothing - pray about everything - it's my command daughter." So I prayed. And I didn't just pray about what was going on inside of me. I took time to pray about everything. I prayed for others a lot and saw some miraculous things happen. I prayed for situations and again saw miracles. God has grown my faith through all of this and it has been an amazing transformation.

So thank you Lord for letting me go through these many months of fear. It has made me trust you so much more than I had.

Praise God!

Until later....

An Inner Peace

So I've been listening to "The Shack," by William P. Young, on my IPod again. This is probably the 5th or 6th time I've listened to it. Every time I hear something new in it. It is such a well written, painful and healing story. It's kind of like "Dinner with a Perfect Stranger" and "Day with a Perfect Stranger." I can listen to those two stories over and over again because they deal with something that is very near and dear to my heart. That is the love of the Lord, Jesus Christ.

Friday is the BIG day - the day of my colonoscopy. I feel like I'm in prison tonight and having my last meal. My wonderful husband made homemade jambalya. It was heavenly. I've been on Weight Watchers going on two weeks and have really been diligent about counting everything I put into my mouth. This week I've wanted to chuck it all and say "Well heck, I'm not eating on Thursday or half a day Friday. So I can eat anything I want!" Then reality hits (and my want, need, desire, whatever) and I realize that I really do want to be healthy again, and the first step to good health is losing this excess weight. So I pray through. I went back for seconds tonight and then put the plate away. I wasn't hungry. I was just...well....ticked off that I can't eat tomorrow! LOL!! Then I think to those kids in Burundi where our church is doing mission work. How they may go for days without as much as a piece of bread. And I know then that my "sacrifice" of one and half days of food is just uncomfortable - not deadly.

So anyway, back to the colonoscopy. I am no longer afraid of the results......Let me say that again.....I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF THE RESULTS!! God has given me this amazing peace going into this process. I have felt better than I have in a long time the last few weeks (other then terrible allergies). But it's more than that. God has come to me and has put His arms around me, sat me on His broad lap, and just held me close to Him. I've felt it.....HIM.....every day. Something tells me that the results are going to be no big deal. But even if they aren't and we find an actual reason for the bleeding that I experienced earlier in the year (which I haven't had since mid-July), then God is preparing me to take whatever journey that He has in store for me. I know that He will be with me every step of the way.

If you haven't read "The Shack" I strongly encourage you to pick it up. There is a message that you need to hear somewhere in that book. This time I took away just that point.....That God is with me ALWAYS. No matter what I go through in life, big or small, He has NEVER left me and He will NEVER leave me. I have that assurance......and so I have this peace.

Results on Friday!!

Until then.....

Personal Inventory

A very wise friend of mine told me once upon a time that I kept myself busy from morning until night so that I wouldn't have any time to take a "personal inventory". I thought she was nuts at the time. I was busy because I was busy and nothing more! I mean, I can't say "no" when someone needs me, right? Just because I wake up early, start the day running at mock speed, and then fall into bed at the end of the day, that doesn't mean I'm hiding from myself or anyone else. Does it?

God is stirring in my heart again. So much has happened in my little world lately that I know God is trying to get me off of dead center. Here's the problem Lord......I don't know where I'm going and sometimes I'm just too afraid to ask or jump! So I should have faith right? Well I think I do have faith....but right now some of the fear is far outdoing the faith that I have.

I guess I'm at that point where I really need to just "Be still and know He is God." I need to stop, sit down, shut my mouth and just listen. Here's the thing....I really, REALLY crave an all encompassing relationship with God. I really, REALLY want Him to be in control of my life. I don't want to have to worry from day to day about what is going to happen. I want to know that God is taking care of everything. So if I'm willing.....then why won't I just jump and let God catch me. Why don't I trust Him? Why do I think I can do it better? It is obvious to me and everyone else that I cannot do it better than God. Every single time I step away from Him, my life falls apart. When I am going to Him constantly in prayer, things fall into place.

Here's what I had......a quiet, drama free life.....really no bumps in the road....I was just rocking along from day to day. Was I happy? I don't know. I was probably pretty bored. So little by little, God has started piling things on. I have drama in my life (from other people) that I didn't formerly have......I dealt with it and grew used to it. Now it's just an inconvenience and no longer a tragedy. I've had a handful of friends get sick.....some of them haven't made it. And of course, my dad died in December, 2007. These were all real tests of my faith. I cried....I prayed....and then I gave it up to God. I am grateful and happy that my friends, and my dad are up in Heaven with God. Actually I'm a little jealous! Now I have two very dear friends who are sick. I'm lifting them both up in prayer and know that God will be their ultimate healer.

So, back to the question (see how I tend to deflect?). If I can believe this for my friends and my dad, why can't I believe and trust for me?

What can I say? I'm a work in progress.....

Until later...