Reflections.....

It has now been a year since Dad left us. He went home to be with the Lord on December 10, 2007. The anniversary of his passing came and went without much fanfare. I had planned to maybe put something in the paper in remembrance, but when the time came I just couldn't think of anything that I felt would be adequate to express how much we miss him. Dad would have just rolled his eyes anyway! Ha Ha!! Anyway, I got through the anniversary okay. As Christmas approached, I started feeling a little emotional. I was adament about maintaining some of Dad's traditions (and I think I almost drove TJ crazy with that whole thing).



Christmas was absolutely wonderful! Lorelai was so into all the Santa stuff (even though I was telling her at least a 100 times a day that it was the birthday for Jesus -- I WILL work that into her brain one day -- LOL). We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My family came over for Christmas dinner. And Mikey (Mandy's husband) surprised us all with copies of a pencil drawing he had made of Dad. He absolutely captured Dad in his drawing, so much so that I can't even look at it right now (he is so very talented). I'll try to post a scanned version of it at some point. Anyway, when I saw the picture, I just burst into tears. I mean really, really sobbing. I had to go in my bedroom to compose myself. Then when I came back out, I hugged Mikey and just sobbed in his arms while thanking him. What I realize now is that for the past year, I've been trying to "hold it all together" for the sake of the family. I absolutely forbade myself to cry at his memorial service. I didn't shed a tear when I delivered his eulogy (at his request I might add - no sadness allowed). For the past year, I've been "handling things" for the estate, keeping the household bills paid, and helping Mom where I can. For the past year I haven't grieved the loss of my Dad.....my mentor.....my best friend. So now I'm back on a roller coaster of emotion. It's almost like losing him all over again. This time I'm going to allow myself to grieve him. I'm going to cry and feel the pain. (I am especially talented at avoiding emotional pain -- and that "talent" has hurt me in the past. I refuse to go there again -- my therapist would be so proud -- LOL.) I know in my heart of hearts that my dad is with the Lord and is having the time of his life. And I am so happy in the knowledge that I will see him again. But I miss him.......and now I'm going to admit that.



Don't let this be a downer. This is actually a milestone for me and I'm happy to be grieving as wierd as that sounds. This was still one of the best Christmas's I've ever had and the New Year is just days away. My life is in a beautiful place and I thank God every day for my friends, family, health, etc.



Love to all of you guys....



Until later....

Christmas Pictures......

Well we got the pictures taken! We went to Sears Portraits and had them professionally done. SO worth the money. I was a little worried because the appointment was a noon -- RIGHT in the middle of Lorelai's naptime! This could have gone several ways -- but I really thought she might be a little cranky. At the very least, I thought she was going to be shy. But I am here to tell you, the people that work in this portrait studio "get" kids. Keshia was our photographer and she had Lorelai eating out of her hand. We got some great pictures of her. We even took a prop a long. I had bought a little Christmas chefs outfit for her to wear when she was helping Poppy (TJ) cook. It had an apron, 2 oven mits, and a Santa chef's hat. It was adorable. We were able to use that prop and Poppy just loved it! This picture is the one that I got as an 8 X 10 for my office (yeah, I know - a little overboard). The chef pic is the one TJ is putting in his office! LOL!!

Until later....

The season....

I love this time of the year. There is so much beauty in the season. People are a little nicer to each other. You can find wonder in just about everything and every one. I'm pretty excited because this year I get to experience something I've never gotten to experience before. I get to wake up Christmas morning and experience Christmas with my granddaughter. It's already too much fun. Every time we walk into Wal-mart and she sees the big Christmas tree in front, she yells "CHRISTMAS!!!!" It is absolutely the coolest thing in the world to see this little cutie get so excited about the season. It has really helped ease the pain of losing Dad and knowing that this was his time of year.

I think 3 years old is the best age in the world for this. When she was 1 she absolutely didn't understand it (and we only got to see her for a little bit on Christmas Eve). When she was 2, she was kind of getting it, but wasn't really excited about it (and again, we had her for a few minutes on Christmas Eve). This year, she has been "part of the process." She has helped decorate. We have watched Christmas movies together. She's learning the words to "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." She's counting down the days using an advent calendar (watch the German in me - LOL). I'm kind of talking her "up" to going to see Santa. I kind of think she's still going to wig out on that one. But we'll try.... I bought her this amazing Christmas dress and her very first pair of "heels". Now granted, they are only a 1/2 inch heel, but to her, they are just like Gammy's shoes. LOL! I'm trying to figure out now where to go get her picture taken because this absolutely has to be saved for posterity!

Lorelai has absolutely brought me back to my childhood and I am counting down the days until Christmas morning.

Thank you Lord for allowing Amanda and Lorelai to move in with us. They are an absolute gift from you Lord and we are having the time of our lives with both of them. Please watch out for all of the kids (Amanda, Rebekah and Lorelai) and keep them safe Lord in this wonderful season of Yours, as we remember the birth of Your son. Jesus was the ultimate gift Lord and for that we thank you from the bottom of our souls.

Until later....